As my following has grown it has been very easy to get caught up in the "pretend world" that is Instagram. Scrolling through my feed at least once an hour. Wondering how I am going to find the cash to buy all these amazing outfits and thinking about what my next picture will be so I'll amass the most likes. I even have a calendar that has the number of followers I have each day (crazy I know). On days I gain a lot of new followers I feel very happy and accomplished but on days I don't I feel like a failure. Why does Instagram have such a hold on me?

ITS NOT REAL!!!

Last summer I was fortunate to land an internship at a large financial firm as a Java programmer... and I hated it. I hated getting up and commuting an hour 5 days a week. I hated wearing a suit and I hated working in a cubicle. Not saying every job I have will be the same but I did learn one very important thing from working there and that was 9-5 is not for me. Working for someone else is not my end goal. It's so strange the kind of people you come across in life. At my part-time job one of my co-workers, who just graduated with a degree in Marketing, told me "I would never want to work at a place where I couldn't just be myself." That really resonated with me. She said, "I want to get to a place in life where I can wear what I want and do what I love, so I don't hesitate when making choices." I had been so scared to let the creative side of me take control because I felt it would put my "professional" opportunities at risk.

Being a fashion blogger and being a programmer who has and most likely will be working in corporate it is so hard to truly be myself. I have loved fashion for as long as I can remember but I also love photography and art and being edgy. I've wanted to have lilac hair since before it was trendy but haven't done it yet out of fear. I've wanted tattoos and piercing and to post edgy photos but haven't done so out of fear. Fear I won't be able to get a job when I graduate; fear of not being acceptable. I still deal with that fear. Everyday, every time I post a photo that might be considered "unprofessional" to a corporate office but isn't to a creative mind. Am I supposed to stick to a mold and stay contained in a box for the sake of my corporate future or do I decide that it's not the kind of future I want, like my co-worker, and only prepare for a future where I can be myself?

When I first put on a suit, I felt like my soul was being sucked out. I felt like I was doomed to a life where I would be forced to do what everyone else was doing and that was sicking to me. Even as I write this I feel reminded and there fore motivated to make my life and live it exactly as I want. To not let fear of failure stop me from pursuing my dreams. Living in a box is not something I was born to do. But I'm also reminded that creating the life you've been dreaming of does not happen over night. Working through corporate internships and a few years of wearing suits might just be what I have to do in the short term to make my long term dreams come true.

I think this suit blazer from Citizen's Mark is the perfect peace to go with this post because choosing cooperate is easy just like pairing a suit jacket with suit pants and a button up is easy. But why live an easy life when being adventurous is so much more interesting?